It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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