Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
