Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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