Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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