those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
