is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
