the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
