u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
