haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
