Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
