If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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