Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
