New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
not ubering you a puppy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
