Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i permit you to call me
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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