So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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