Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
