Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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