Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
