we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
