i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
