I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
