Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize