i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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