I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
