She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
