based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
