I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
