If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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