this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
