My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
