i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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