it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
