Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
