well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
