he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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