im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
