so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
