yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
