Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
