enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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