I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
