He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
