And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
