You're completely useless in the revolution.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
