exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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