I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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