you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
