hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
