We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
