I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
