Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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