Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
