I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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