So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
