Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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