y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
