Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
