Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
