so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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