wrigley field is MILF paradise
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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