So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
