i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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