Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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