By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
