Is it normal to miss your booty call?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
