grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's Friday. Sex?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
