Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
